Tales From the Bottom of the Film Business

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Some old and utterly ridiculous set jokes

How tall's a sound person?
I don't know, I've never seen one stand up.

What's the difference between God and a DP?
God doesn't think He's a DP.

How many ADs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lightbulb?! Nobody said anything about a lightbulb in this shot!

How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Does it actually have to be a lightbulb?

How many agency producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's not funny.

How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one more! Just one more!

How many wardrobe people does it take to change a lightbulb?
DON'T TOUCH IT IT'S BEEN APPROVED!

How many ACs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change it and two to talk about how they did it on the last job.

How many sound guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it, and three to stand around saying "I was offered that job."

How many prop people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to turn the ladder.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change it and five to complain about the catering.

How many grips does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'm not an electrician.

What did the production manager give his kids for Christmas?
Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

How can you tell when a teamster's dead?
When the doughnut falls out of his mouth.

How can you tell the teamster kids on the playground?
They're the ones standing around watching the other kids play.

What's the difference between a sound recordist and a generator?
The genny stops whining when the shoot's over.

7 Comments:

Blogger Tim said...

What did Jesus tell the Teamsters?
Don't do anything until I get back.

Why does thunder happen after lightning?
Even God has to wait for sound.

What's a PA's favorite color?
Who cares?

6:24 PM

 
Blogger BTL said...

Those are AWESOME - I think I've heard that Teamster one. Thanks for the additions, Tim.

8:25 PM

 
Blogger Da Nator said...

Be careful. I think some of those jokes can end up up under the turf at Giants Stadium.

8:13 PM

 
Blogger Christian Dolan said...

A producer, director and screenwriter were wandering lost in the desert.

They crest a dune, and lo and behold, they see an oasis: palm trees swaying in the wind, crytal clear lagoon, and in the shade, a table set, upon which sits a pitcher full of iced lemonade.

All three tumble down the hill as fast as they can. As they reach the table, the producer suddenly jumps onto the chair, unzips his fly, and begins to urinate into the lemonade.

The screenwriter shrieks:"What are you doing? You're ruining it!"

To which the producer calmly replies:"No,no, I'm making it *better*...".

:)

-Christian

9:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can you tell the grips from the electricians? The electricians take the dishes out of the sink before pissing in it.

Did you hear about the new grip test? They lock you in a padded room with a bowling ball. You've got a half-hour to break it or steal it.

9:07 AM

 
Blogger Jendra said...

How many production designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got a really great candelabra we could use!"

Why don't most DPs smoke?
Because it takes them 3 hours to light a cigarette.

How can you tell when a producer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How many staight male musical theatre students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Both of them.

5:23 PM

 
Blogger MSamstag said...

These are great! I posted your list and a link to your site on www.knoxvillefilms.com!

6:17 PM

 

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