Some old and utterly ridiculous set jokes

How tall's a sound person?
I don't know, I've never seen one stand up.

What's the difference between God and a DP?
God doesn't think He's a DP.

How many ADs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lightbulb?! Nobody said anything about a lightbulb in this shot!

How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Does it actually have to be a lightbulb?

How many agency producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's not funny.

How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one more! Just one more!

How many wardrobe people does it take to change a lightbulb?
DON'T TOUCH IT IT'S BEEN APPROVED!

How many ACs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change it and two to talk about how they did it on the last job.

How many sound guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it, and three to stand around saying "I was offered that job."

How many prop people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to turn the ladder.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change it and five to complain about the catering.

How many grips does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'm not an electrician.

What did the production manager give his kids for Christmas?
Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

How can you tell when a teamster's dead?
When the doughnut falls out of his mouth.

How can you tell the teamster kids on the playground?
They're the ones standing around watching the other kids play.

What's the difference between a sound recordist and a generator?
The genny stops whining when the shoot's over.